Hiking up the walls!

It is insane how fast the summer is going! I am all set to teach four classes in the Fall, but in the meantime I am climbing the walls! I just got done taking a Spanish class which kept my mind occupied. Dripping spanish words out of my mouth that sounded like children playing cars was fun! So now what???? DAMN IT!!!

Friendship

This is a topic I have been curious about since I was five years old constantly being left by the swing set alone. What is a friend? It sounds like such an adolescent question but really, it's not. It's something that we question with everyone we meet. If we compartmentalize friends, there are the following categories: long distance friends who are in other states, countries, regions, etc that you "keep in touch with" from time to time. Are they friends or are they people you know and enjoy saying hi to? Then there are the historical friends that you've known since you were young, like twenty years or so, or sometimes even longer. So are they friends or are the only things that bind you together is the amount of time you've known about each other and their existence? Then there are the new friends. How long should you know them before you call them a friend? Then you have the pain in the ass friends that you would rather not hear from but keep them around because you feel bad! Oh and here is a great one. Friends with benefits! Ho ho, let me tell you that is something that is nothing but a curse. The devil himself made it up baby, because nothing good can come out of that. AND....that is not friendship. That is, let me use you for sex and then when I find someone better we can't do it anymore. It's such bullshit. And it's sad the amount of broken hearts that never heal because of it. So with all this bullshit, who are your friends really! I'm not suggesting there is no such thing, I just think there is more that goes into friendship, even more than a romantic relationship! It should be better!

The Best Quote! - 6 Feet Under

Seriously, facebook sucks for so many reasons

Ok...this just does not make any sense. Facebook. Social network, depending on how you use it, it can be very addictive. Of course, with my addictive personality, it became one for me. Now the problem with this is I start getting deeply emotional and hurt, especially when someone deletes me. That means I am abusing the whole system! So one of your closest friends, we will call him Larry, deletes you from facebook. Now you talk to Larry all the time over text and on the phone and in class practically on a daily basis. ou've been on his facebook page for a few months. Then suddenly, he deletes you. When Larry is confronted about it, he claims that he only uses the facebook page for people he "doesn't" talk to all the time or see all the time. He claims he deleted some close friends of his. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all, especially when I know he uses the page at least a few times a week. Am I a psychotic freak or what? Facebook needs to be taken away for a while because if I am going to get all upset over this then I can't use it at all. Fuck facebook, seriously! L O L

Funny Hugh Laurie & Stephen Fry comedy sketch! 'Your name, sir?' - BBC c...

Fuck Facebook, Seriously.

My brother is getting married on Sunday. That is all! I am in the bridal party and I am wearing a sage green gown that fits me like a glove. I want to feel beautiful, but I know I am going to feel lousy on the inside. At least my brain still works, but my heart is stone dead. It is a shame I feel this way during such a great time in my brother's life. I am filled with an ache, and I look to people to fill it. The problem with that is I need to look to myself to fill it. If I rely on someone else, it will be a tragic mistake that will fuel the notion that everybody leaves. Someday I will get it. In the meantime, I am walking down he aisle for my brother and Christina, who is so young and ripe. Both of them simply have no idea what happily ever after is like. If it is going to be pulled off, there is so much work and labor that goes into it. I wish I could jump up and down and get all girly with squeals of excitement. Unfortunately, there is a pang of worry that comes over me, as i sense that Christina does not truly understand what is going to transpire as the years go on. Right now they are at that stage when everything is right, they don't fight, got their apartment, jobs, kids will come soon. The biggest challenge is what happens after the kids come and you are done with all the "get married, white picket fence have a baby" things settle in. Things start to get laborious to keep up with because there is that human need of wanting to get to the next milestone, the next step where there will be something new! Time, milestones and excitement starts to stand still. Kids go to school, husband and wife keep on working to suport them, and you are too tired to have fun. WIll you still be happy when life stands still and routines are endless? What will be, will be. I hope they can be this happy for as long as they possibly can, or forever! My parents divorced after twenty three years of marriage. It seemed impossible, but it was the highest dose of reality I ever recieved in my life. Twenty three whole years of memories, milestones, kids, house, jobs. If you have made it that long, WTF??? It will never make sense to me, but I love both my parents regardless. Here's to you Michael! For your brave attempt to make it work!

Text Messages

I swear the whole cell phone thing is adding to my addictive personality. As low as I feel about myself these days, I have a bit of an ego and constantly want the following question answered: Who texted me? Who texted me? So I grab my phone about six times an hour, tapping the button to see! And when I see words across the screen saying "1 New Message" it's like I receive a shot of heroine! Of course it is something on a minor scale like how the day is going or I just had sex last night (something that I have not done in almost a year, yeah, I am dying of ache) or even something more mundane like I broke a nail, my hands are freezing, my ass hurts from sitting in the car too long, or this is a great one, I am stepping in the shower now. But that texting drug is just so freaking cool! Hands up, who likes me?!?! Text me!

Somewhere

I will gaslight myself until kingdom come. I am my own worst enemy in ALL things. Ironically enough, Alice in Wonderland just came out on DVD--no not the Johnny Depp, cheap imitation of the Mad Hatter. The Disney cartoon. I am lost, so lost in this world. I can't find my way back to a normal life. So watching this film and seeing the white rabbit be an enemy to himself by giving Dodo a match to burn his house down, I laugh at the absurdity that has become my life. I am indeed the white rabbit, passing over the blow torch to the devil so he can set my life on fire. I am a professor of literature, an analyst of texts, lover of Shakespeare, lover of Oscar Wilde, lover of british comedy, cooking freak, addict of soap operas, lover of The Cure & Depeche Mode, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an in-law, and a friend. Yet...these days, I can't do any of those things right. Jeepers. I hope I can survive when real tragedy occurs.