My brother is getting married on Sunday. That is all! I am in the bridal party and I am wearing a sage green gown that fits me like a glove. I want to feel beautiful, but I know I am going to feel lousy on the inside. At least my brain still works, but my heart is stone dead. It is a shame I feel this way during such a great time in my brother's life. I am filled with an ache, and I look to people to fill it. The problem with that is I need to look to myself to fill it. If I rely on someone else, it will be a tragic mistake that will fuel the notion that everybody leaves. Someday I will get it. In the meantime, I am walking down he aisle for my brother and Christina, who is so young and ripe. Both of them simply have no idea what happily ever after is like. If it is going to be pulled off, there is so much work and labor that goes into it. I wish I could jump up and down and get all girly with squeals of excitement. Unfortunately, there is a pang of worry that comes over me, as i sense that Christina does not truly understand what is going to transpire as the years go on. Right now they are at that stage when everything is right, they don't fight, got their apartment, jobs, kids will come soon. The biggest challenge is what happens after the kids come and you are done with all the "get married, white picket fence have a baby" things settle in. Things start to get laborious to keep up with because there is that human need of wanting to get to the next milestone, the next step where there will be something new! Time, milestones and excitement starts to stand still. Kids go to school, husband and wife keep on working to suport them, and you are too tired to have fun. WIll you still be happy when life stands still and routines are endless? What will be, will be. I hope they can be this happy for as long as they possibly can, or forever! My parents divorced after twenty three years of marriage. It seemed impossible, but it was the highest dose of reality I ever recieved in my life. Twenty three whole years of memories, milestones, kids, house, jobs. If you have made it that long, WTF??? It will never make sense to me, but I love both my parents regardless. Here's to you Michael! For your brave attempt to make it work!